Penny Thoughts: The World Gone Crazy.

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activist, cat, crip, crowd-funding, disability, disabled, disabled people, First in the World Somewhere, house of lords, London, love, Morrissey, poetry, robert wyatt, sex, Unbound, wheelchair, woman, writer

I’m distancing from my personal Facebook page. It’s ragging my nerves, which are quite ragged at the best of times. People get nasty too fast. I’m not engaging. Much better to prattle on here and make brief Penny pronouncements for those interested.

I’ve got a broken shoulder. In fact, I’ve had a broke shoulder for some months which severely limits my typing. Don’t mention voice dictation software. I use it, when I have enough mental stamina to manage it. It has no soul and does not compute creative subtlety. Give it a poetic word and it goes into a brainless meltdown and makes a word like ‘penniless’ into, yes, penis. Therefore it’s taken me a long, long time to write this blog.

Meanwhile, I was at the House of Lords last night, doing my bit as a “disability sexual activist”, which is an interesting label to add to my CV. It was a good event, though I am weary. Crip sex is still a taboo and there’s still a lot of About Us Without Us. It is improving, that’s a hopeful thing.

Visiting the House of Lords is always a weird experience for a poor little working class bumpkin like me. It smells. Age, polish. Wealth? The building is extraordinary, I can’t deny that. It caresses my writer’s dizzy brain, and as a friend once said, it’s like Hogwarts. I did get to meet – briefly – Black Rod, due to the inevitable confusion with parking. Not every one can say that, and perhaps they wouldn’t want to.

I’m chugging on with the crowd-funding efforts for my memoir First in the World Somewhere. I’m glad the publisher Unbound are looking after me. They are real people. I feel they care about their writers, and they wanted the memoir. It’s hard at times to be telling the world this is a great thing and please, pledge. But it’s not a begging bowl-it’s a transaction. And outside of my personal story, I know this tale has not been told in this way. My disability weaves within the pages, implicitly social model, as I fight – shyly at first – to follow my dreams as a writer, singer-song writer and bohemian. Discovering sex, writing about sex, enjoying sex – connecting with like-mind crips in arts and activism, is also in there. Join me if you believe this book should be out there, pledge if you can. Robert Wyatt, dear man, has done so and is happy to me to shout his endorsement from the treetops.

My cat Bessie aged 17, gets noisy at night these days. Apparently it’s akin to the confusion of an elderly person. She miaows in a long pathetic fashion, often in the echo chamber of the bathroom. Advice is to not respond as it reinforces the behaviour. That’s tough, even though I know she’s well, fresh from a mani-pedi and gaining weight. I  want to reassure her and gather her to my bosom, so we can sleep peacefully together.

And on that note I realise I am tired. There was the awfulness of the Syrian air strikes to talk about; the utterly tiresome squabbles of politics and the biased media. But I can add little to that right now, and need to retreat to the stuff in front of my noise.

Be happy for the holidays. Be pragmatic. Remember, the light returns after December 21st. You can always rely on natural phenomena to give you a reasonable constant. Sort of.

 

 

Independent Living and Me: 120 words of personal freedom.

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boyfriend, cuts, disability, disabled, employment, high court, ILF, independent living fund, love, sea, wheelchair, woman, work

I saw the sea today, out with my boyfriend who lives on the south coast. Grey and simmering, faint sunshine tipped the tops of waves by late afternoon.

I’ve been unwell, along side juggling an intense workload. I need peace. What better than the sea and crisp air to recuperate?

My support worker drives my car. She assists me in and out of the car. For every task, she assists. From very personal to specific. My writer’s tools prepared; laptop on table, note book to my hand.

Will you, DWP, take these reasonable and productive activities away from me? Am I so “underserving” of these human acts of freedom,  because of the chance reality of who I am – a disabled woman?

While Paralympic fever reigns, ‘Desires Reborn’ – my ebook out now.

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50 shades of grey, book, crazy, desire, disabled, ebook, itunes, kindle, London, love, olympics, paralympics, secrets, sex, wheelchair, woman, writer, writing

Everything is crazy. Me, the world, my cat. Dizzy crazy, implode-explode crazy. The roller coaster up-down, a bombardment of thoughts and wishes and actions.

Because? Coming to you now, my ebook Desires Reborn. Available for Kindle and Apple devices through Itunes, and all ebook readers within the next few weeks.  Strictly adults only.

This is a revision of  ‘Desires’ which came out in hard copy as part of the Innovate award almost 10 years ago.

I was passionate about the stories not being lost in the turbulent sea of Paralympic furore. Not merely because they are mine, my work created through sweat and broken heart, with commitment and faith. But because I want us to be three-dimensional, to be real, full-bloodied.

Here is the blurb. These things have to be done, though often I struggle with PR.

As the London Paralympic Games bring unprecedented focus on disabled people, Penny Pepper releases the ebook  ‘Desires Reborn’ – The explicit loves and losses, desires and disappointments of a group of disparate disabled characters’.

Penny brings, us a collection of stories examining this subject in a serious, sensitive, political and often full bloodied way. As one reviewer, writer Rob Young declared: ‘An intelligent examination of love and desire. And why have grey, when you can have scarlet with Penny Pepper’s work?’
Available in all ebook formats including Kindle and for Ipad, Ipod Touch and Iphones via Itunes
www.pennypepper.co.uk
Twitter: @PenPep

 

These stories represent pieces of me, from my heart, my head, my blood, my guts. They are part of my activism, part of what I feel I must do, and love to do.

Maybe lovely Mat Fraser, fantastic sexy performer, burlesquer, proud freak, actor and lovely friend should have the last word. Here’s a review he did.

 “Finally a piece of sexy clever erotic fiction from the disabled woman’s perspective. Turning negative expectations into post orgasmic exclamations, this is a revolutionary book that will at once turn you on, change your thinking, make you laugh, cry, and most of all realise that this kind of fiction is so long overdue it’s almost criminal. Sex is now in everyone’s domain, and Penny Pepper’s book could be the catalyst to make that change into the norm. Buy it, read it, enjoy it. I did. “

All singing, poeting, filming, moving month of Me.

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bus, Channel Four, disability, inequality, journeys, London, love, moving, oppression, reforms, television, tube, wheelchair, woman, writing

My life is often crammed full, and the last six weeks was ridiculous. Everything spilling from the seams. Bits of Me, tired bones, shaky heart, mind a hive of a thousand bees each carrying a different thought, often contrary, often confused.

I am an impatient Penny and now I am in a new nest, I am frantic with creation. I’m in love with 50s retro, done softly, a little splash of cupcake colour, occasionally geometric atomic. I want it all now, it must match the fantasy home in my head. NOW!

Of course it can’t happen now, or even tomorrow, and I’m coaxing Norma (my emotional ID) to stay calm and enjoy the journey. Especially as I am far from full recovery of the serious illness of last November, and my naughty, conflicted thoughts do so chasing each others tails, till I am exhausted from thinking too much.

Besides needing a string trail to find myself amid the boxes and tins of paint, I managed to squeeze in a day’s filming with Channel Four News. It’s part of Channel Four’s NoGoBritain series looking at how public transport is for disabled people (haha). Please do go to the site and make your own comments. It was a crazy long day of filming and I am a little sad that some of the shots were not included, especially what happened to me on the buses. Which was a lot. Here’s a link to the feature but it’s only there for seven days I believe! NoGoBritain.

The Abnormally Funny People gig was a blast and I loved it. A gorgeous space at Soho Theatre, accessible stage and cool cabaret style set up. There was even a tinsel curtain. Yes, A TINSEL CURTAIN! The audience laughed in the right place and I believe we went down well. I managed not to fall ill and keel over. Would love to go back to Soho with my show Adventures. Maybe, one day, maybe.

I feel privileged to be doing all these things, because when I can draw breath to peep over the boundary of my own life, I can see the dark storm clouds clamouring.  I work, in my hard-won niche, and wouldn’t be much ‘use’ in the capitalist system anywhere else. But the pincer movement the ConDems are attacking us with is slowly unrolling, slowly and not so slowly, pushing us into a corner of oppression and inequality. This sobering thought never leaves my mind.

I want to make a proclamation. I am not so much the banner waving activist I was, though when health allows I have my moments, but within my work I remain committed and passionate about exploring the issues and concerns we have. I remain stout in pouring into my writing and all off-shoots, those things which I believe are important – our right to equality – and to life.

Now, where’s that box with my poetry file in it gone… ?

Back from the edge, into the festive warmth

Tags

cats, christmas, friends, happy, life, love, waarmth

Seasonal cheer abounds and I am feeling it myself, which is unusual. I am not inclined to be 100% bah humbug as this thing we have to do near the end of December seems ingrained. I enjoy the conviviality of friends, the relaxed togetherness which the festive season can create. The light returns from Dec 21st, that is the truth. We humans seem to need to celebrate that.

As I had a frightening skirmish with serious ill health this last month, my sense of pleasure has sharpened. We mustn’t be bogged in a morass of cynicism – and fear – when we look at the wider world and its doomy propensities. Love what is close to you, enjoy life daily, simply. Platitudes? Perhaps. But it is true.

What is the worse that can happen? It’s not half as bad as you think, and while we must fight, close to home for the justice we believe in for all, I know I have much to be grateful for in terms of friends, my cat, my mum, and much more. My mended Christmas tree which now glistens in ever-changing cheesy fibre optic wonder!

Be calm, be happy, says the lady Buddha of North London…. for now, at least.

Living life backwards

Tags

cat, disability, fancy nancy, love, marc almond, new york, purr, the smiths, work, writing

I am in a very busy phase at present and have a sense of progression. At last, my life seems to be focused on my work. Oh how lucky am I to love what I do.

This last week I rehearsed with lovely Jo on cello, Richard offering tech support as I tried out my wireless mic headset. How liberating this was, to not have worries about my voice, and the freedom to move and pull all my fruity faces. My novel Fancy Nancy was…well, released at last and while I don’t know what will happen next, this is a great moment I am savouring.

Off to New York soon. I feel excited, anxious, stunned that I am at last making this trip. I’m living life backwards it seems and relish every moment. I feel happy that the limits of my childhood and beyond have resulted in an unexpected outcome – I am rarely jaded and can enjoy what others may see as commonplace and simple. I did not travel further than the local village until the age of 22 and then such excursions were exceptional. Looking back, it amazes me I managed them at all. Going to the Blitz club and meeting Steve Strange, going to see Marc Almond in concert, and later The Smiths at the Albert Hall. Others too, highlights in an otherwise very cloistered existence.

Bed beckons, it does eventually, as the clock ticks on with an admonishing tut. Bessie too of course, looking sleek and plump again, thank goodness.

On that note time to curl up besides her and feel her purr soothe me.

Today, I am on BBC national radio…

Tags

BBC, daddy, disabled, human, Lodon, love, mummy, parking, radio, sun, toilet

A strange feeling to think my voice will be on the airwaves later, as I talk about Human Identity, in my own unique and perhaps slightly screwy way. BBc Radio Four, ‘Four Thought’, 8.45pm, GMT. Here’s a link: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b012fr3w

I’m glad the sun still shines. I am happy right now, in a moment of mindfulness. My apartment is ground floor and my lounge window is very close to the street. A low wall with high railings gives a suggest of separation and privacy, but I can view the world discreetly and it is only occasionally it intrudes on me. There is a row of parking meters, the scene of many incidents. Disbelief at the price, arguments with stony unresponsive parking wardens. Anger, sometimes spilling into aggression. Such is the way of things on a central London street. Other moments I overhear touching scenes between parents. Daddy I need the toilet. Mummy, what’s that machine? The Why dialogues… Why is that lady staring at us from the window? And how distracted I am by random human activity. No, it’s food, and my writer’s brain is always starving.

I hope everyone enjoys my Radio Four talk and at least finds it provokes the odd thought or two. Do let me know.